Sometimes life is fucking bullshit. And, sometimes we feel like a loose cannon. I’ve noticed that recently, having gone from one difficult life event to another over the past few months. I’ve also noticed that people grow quite concerned or even angry when I talk about how I really feel. This seems so silly to me. We are all so afraid to be vulnerable that we pretend we are OK; we pretend that life is always easy. Even when it sucks.
I am learning that being vulnerable is not a bad thing, and that suffering doesn’t always mean victimization. Comedic relief certainly helps when things are tough. I’ve been playing this game with myself recently where I think of all the terrible things in the world I would rather experience than what I am experiencing right now. It’s therapeutic. For instance, I would rather spend a week in Cancun with Ann Coulter during Spring break. Or, I would rather listen to Creed on repeat while tied to a chair for ten straight days. Or I would rather read every tweet Donald Trump sends out at 2:30 in the morning and then engage in dialogue with Paul Ryan. In keeping with that theme, I would also rather have dinner with Mike Pence and discuss the idea of conversion therapy. I would rather watch an entire Nickelback concert—acapella. I would rather drive in circles around DC and Virginia for a solid week—only stopping to use the rest room and eat Slim Jim’s. I would rather watch the entire Jack Ass collection from 2002 – 2014—twice. Dude, I would rather watch Little Finger win the Game of Thrones…I would rather do pretty much anything than go through this. But, it’s happening. And, it must happen. And, it will happen. Then, one day, I will realize that I would rather do none of those things than whatever it is I am doing at the time. And, life will surely get back to normal.
Until then, I have taken to listening to Tenacious D on repeat, making ridiculous videos with my best friend, and staying the fuck as far away from sad things as possible.
Learning to ask for what we need and want is not always easy. We believe people know or should know how we feel. But, that is fucking bullshit. It’s OK to hate life sometimes. And, it’s particularly Ok to talk about it. Those feelings are crippling when they’re produced by extenuating circumstances, and even more so when they’re generated by our own poor choices and actions. Usually, it’s a little of both. Either way, life isn’t fucking perfect. And, we can choose to accept it the way it is—along with the people in it—or run from it. I’m sticking this one out. No more running for me. For now, I guess I’m stuck with Ann Coulter, Creed, and DC traffic. Until one bright shining day when the Gods smile upon me and Sleater-Kinney produces a new album. Yea…I’m still holding out for that one.