Since my last post, I’ve been working hard to curb my anxiety. The work has paid off, and I feel so much more like myself again. It’s amazing. These positive feelings of clarity and opportunity without fear are a much needed break from the past year. For me, anxiety comes in two forms: acute and generalized (also known as fucked up and even more fucked up). In those fleeting moments when I take something to the worst possible scenario in my mind, I am generally experiencing acute anxiety. But, during those times when I’m experiencing generalized anxiety, I find myself suffering for weeks at a time, and dealing with waves of panic as well. Over the past several months, the grip it’s had over my life has felt crippling, at times even leading to full-blown complex seizures in my temporal lobe. But, with the help of proper medication, healthy eating, exercise, and talk therapy, I’ve seen a huge transformation.
In fact, I recently took a new job as a senior technical writer for a company in Maryland, and we are preparing to move closer to the Maryland line. We’ve been fixing up our house so we can sell it as soon as possible, and I’m surprised by our progress. I spent all day Friday cleaning the entire house, but quickly realized that it doesn’t matter how clean your house is when you have +200 pounds of unwashed Australian Shepherds living in it.
Speaking of which, we also have a new addition to the house: our beautiful foster girl Miss Angi. She is a deaf and blind double merle who was abused, neglected, forced to breed multiple litters, and then thrown out on the side of the road like trash. When ASF came to us to ask if we would foster her, I knew it was fate. She was terrified when she arrived. She didn’t understand human affection, and she was obviously sick over the transportation and her new surroundings. But, after a few weeks, she has slowly come out of her shell, and watching her bloom into an incredibly intelligent, affectionate, and playful little girl has been indescribable. People often ask me how these dogs don’t give me anxiety, and the truth is, sometimes they do. But, the payoff is so rewarding; it’s worth it. Research has proven that the act of simply petting your dog can greatly reduce stress and anxiety. I suppose they keep me grounded…and smiling.
The only difficult part about this transition is having to say goodbye to people I truly care about. This is my last week with my current job…a job I’ve had for years. It’s going to be difficult to say goodbye to the self-described dream team. They have become something of a family to me. But, their encouragement and support goes a long way. In fact, this is the cake that they’ve promised to make for me:
And, how will I ever replace text message conversations like this one?
I’m certainly going to miss the marketing team. I also can’t wait to get my Eos back from the shop because the weather has been so beautiful. But, I must admit, I am experiencing anxiety about driving again. My work buddy says I’m a terrible driver because I’m a witch. WHICH means, I’m either in need of a self-driving car or a fucking broom. I’ve already emailed Volkswagen with my suggestions for both.
So, until next time…
And, peace and love to you all.