Morphine and Honey…Yeah.

It’s been a while since I’ve had anything to say, but that’s mostly because I’ve been extremely anxious. Truthfully, I’m always anxious, but the past two weeks I’ve been painfully so. Some days I don’t know up from down. Today, I have a little more clarity, and that helps. I tend to do this thing where I wreck new cars. It’s a gift, really. I guess I’d gone too long without an accident, so I had one Friday on the way to LB’s birthday party. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me anxiety, panic, ADD, addiction, seizures…and also made me the worst driver in the fucking world. But, then I remember that God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle. And, LB always says that there’s no need for a permanent solution to a temporary problem. She keeps asking if there’s anything she can do for me, like make me a Jasmine tea with honey or bring me my favorite vegetarian pho…but really I just wish I could get a one-way ticket to Amsterdam in a swanky hotel with a morphine drip. I have to continually remind myself that there’s no need for a permanent solution. Some days I’m terrified to write here. I’m terrified of what I might say, how people might react, blah blah blah. But, today, I can’t be terrified. Sometimes, the truth is the only way out of our darkest moments. Overall, I will be ok. But, I am writing about this now because I know other people are also suffering from the same illnesses. And, I want to be honest and unafraid and brave, which is the same as unafraid, but still…I want to be OK with who I am. Because if you are reading this, and you suffer from any one of the things I’ve written about today, I want you to know that I’m more than OK with who you are. I love you for it. Life is good. I just have to continue reminding myself that a martini with a sprinkle of Percocet is not the answer to my problems. So, live on. Be unapologetic, and love yourself. Especially if you’re one of the “weird ones.” Because, the “weird ones” are often the ones who dare to create a better world the rest of us.

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He’s probably my best bet…


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Here’s to you…


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Happy birthday to my real morphine and honey:)

2 thoughts on “Morphine and Honey…Yeah.

  1. I love this and appreciate your honesty so much! Please keep writing. I always look forward to reading what you have to say and though I don’t know you, I want you to be okay. Anxiety is a motherfucker I know all too well, and I am rooting for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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