A Home with Opposable Thumbs

I’ve always been one of those people who don’t go unnoticed—like it or not—because I’m constantly making my presence known to the people around me. And, I don’t mean that I’m particularly interesting, or fun, or even all that great to look at. I’m just loud…as fuck.

With every step I take, I leave a path of destruction behind me: magnets falling as I graze past each cubicle, a laptop spilling from my man bag as I reach down to tie my shoes, a lady screaming as I douse her with hot coffee in the hallway, glass shattering as I slam the conference room door so hard that three window panels come crashing down around my feet. Oh yea, I’m the queen of first impressions.

And that’s exactly why I’ve decided my life would be much easier if God gave my dogs opposable thumbs. Because if I’m the queen of first impressions, I’m the freaking king of symbiotic relationships; every one knows that not making great first impressions and dogs with opposable thumbs are completely, if not conceptually, parallel.

Top 25 reasons why I wish my dogs had opposable thumbs.

  1. To help me diagram sentencesIMG_3025
  2. To cut up cucumber when our eyes are puffyCucumber thumbs
  3. To check my emailmeish-computer2-2
  4. To drive me to work in the morning
  5. To “LIKE” me on Facebook

    IMG_2417

    Elverson Deli rocks pretty hard, too

  6. To pack LB’s bong
  7. To mow the lawn
  8. To book our vacations
  9. To fold the laundry IMG_3206
  10. To push the grocery cart
  11. To answer the door when Jehovah’s Witnesses come by
  12. To pick out my clothes in the morning
  13. To make the bed1B867661-F671-4751-A965-D5FD86A37F2D
  14. To feed the other dogsIMG_2918
  15. To let the other dogs out to go potty
  16. To wire us money

    LEEDOLLARS_edited-1

    Lee-C could have been our financial advisor

  17. To give themselves a bath
  18. To administer my Xanax as needed
  19. To sew the holes in LB’s leggings
  20. To hang Christmas lightsIMG_0808
  21. To take these ridiculous, mandatory assessments at workIMG_3002
  22. To weed the garden
  23. To wash my hair
  24. To beat the shit out of this weirdo…

    IMG_3022

    I didn’t know fake tattoos were a real issue for some people    

  25. To give EVEN better hugs… 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    although, our pack does give pretty great hugs, even without opposable thumbs

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3 thoughts on “A Home with Opposable Thumbs

  1. Your never cease to amaze me with your creativity and honesty. You may be the queen of 1st impressions… but you leave a lasting mark on the hearts you touch every single day. You are truly a wonderful and amazing woman that anyone would be lucky to know you and even better to become friends with you.
    Luv ya girly… And that includes LH and dogs…

    Liked by 1 person

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