Generosity is Handing Out Money for Drugs

For those of you who have seen this blog or know me well, it’s no secret that I have anxiety. Actually, I don’t really have anxiety. I kind of own it. Like, I think I may have coined the term. And, it’s definitely impacted my life since I can remember. I made questionable choices for a long time, and I didn’t even recognize it. It wasn’t until I went through the motions of literally changing my whole life that I began to slowly define myself as a functioning human being. It was like I was stuck on autopilot for 10 years, until I made the simple choice to go to treatment. Weird how it all works out. But, I can’t tell you now how much I appreciate my life now. I had to wreck this train in order to put all the pieces back together correctly. And, I’m still missing a few. It’s a work in progress.

This is kind of hard to publish publically, but I figure, screw it. Everyone struggles; the only thing unique about my struggle is that it belongs to me. I’m just finally learning to redirect it in a positive way. And, with that said, I’m going to also redirect this blog post in a positive way.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to please people. That sounds creepy as fuck. But, it’s true. I’m a people pleaser. But, I swear, it’s not because I’m looking for love or validation. My family has always shown me a lot of love. I think I’ve always been a people pleaser because I genuinely like people. A lot of bloggers who write about their personal lives will tell you that they blog because they struggle with social interactions. I’ve experienced my fair share of struggles, but interacting socially has NEVER been one of them. Not interacting socially, well that’s a whole different story. I literally talk to every person I meet. I’m sure it’s super annoying. But, I take it to heart. I don’t know why. It’s who I am. I used to feel embarrassed about it. But, once I learned that I couldn’t change it without really altering my sense of the world, I also learned to embrace it.

After I went to treatment, my life came together in ways I could have never imagined. It’s almost ridiculous how happy I am. But, even before I went to treatment, I loved people. I know a lot of my friends and family think I’m naïve. But, I’m telling you, they’re wrong. Everyone has a different definition of what it means to do the right thing. Luckily, LB shares my passion for “people”, and being with her has really helped me to learn to love myself. Maybe, in that way, I was looking for validation. I had partners in the past who I loved very much. But, some of those people hated the way I conducted my life. It was kind of a recipe for disaster, and in some ways they had good reason to hate how I conducted my life. But, that’s a blog for another day. I’m referring to my propensity to stop and talk with every person I meet. I’m referring to this deep seeded need I’ve always had to take care of other people. Lindsey has it too, but we express it differently.

On our first “real” date, a young, dirty looking kid asked her for money. Most people won’t give young, dirty looking kids money because “they might use it for drugs” or because “they work too hard for their money.” Well, sorry to say this, but those people fucking suck. Who cares what they do with the money? If they buy drugs with it, well, that’s on them. Someone special to me used to always say, “Don’t worry about what everyone else does. Keep your side of the street clean.” And, she’s right. So, Lindsey gave him the money. And, who knows what the hell he did with it. But who the fuck cares? She did the right thing. I’m not suggesting people should go around handing out Benjamin’s, but I am suggesting that maybe we ought to spend less time judging people and more time giving them money for drugs…or for food, or bills, or whatever. Why is it such a wild notion that we take care of each other? I’ve got a hold of my life now. It wasn’t always that way. But, people helped me. Now it’s my turn.

My BFF/neighbor, Patty Keen, does everything for us. She takes care of our four special needs dogs every day while we are at work. Our neighbors Vaughn and Lori send us dinners and chocolate eclairs like twice a week. I don’t know why they do it. They’re just that awesome. And, it’s funny that other people don’t have those kinds of relationships. Why?

Recently, Lindsey and I decided we wanted to do something really thoughtful for Patty, you know, to say thank you. She brings so much joy to our lives; if anyone deserves drug money, it’s Patty. But, since she doesn’t do drugs, we decided to buy her a Tiffany bracelet instead.

LB has a Tiffany’s bracelet and so does Lori. Patty has always wanted one. One time I asked her why she didn’t treat herself and buy one. She said it’s because she is retired, and it’s just not practical. After that, I knew I wanted to buy her one…one day. When I told Lindsey, I thought for sure she would think I was crazy. But, she smiled and assured me that we would buy her the bracelet. One day. She said “We should save a little more money and try to act like real adults for a little while, and when the time is right we will buy her that bracelet. I was stoked.

It was like the time when I was nine, and I saved all of my change for two months to buy my mom a Hank William’s cassette tape for her birthday. I was so excited to give her the tape that I chased her car down the driveway, waving the tape above my head…and then ran face first into the wishing well in our front yard. Actually, Now that I think of it, that story is kind of ironic, with the change and the wishing well and all. Never-the-less, my mom loved it. And, I felt so exhilarated that I could show her in some small way how much she meant to me.

Yes, it felt just like that. In so many ways, Patty is like another mom to me and LB. My mother always says she was sent from God to watch over us…probably because she thinks we would starve to death or blow up our house if Patty weren’t there to keep us in line. And, she’s probably right. My parents live hours away from me now. And, Lindsey’s parents also live over an hour away. So, I think my mom is grateful that Patty is kind of a stand-in for her when she can’t be there all the time. See what I mean about all the love? I’m so lucky. Probably because I ran face first into a wishing well.

Well, I’m happy to say, the day finally came when we saved enough money and filled our adult quota, because Lindsey surprised my yesterday with a trip to Tiffany’s. I saw the perfect bracelet for PKeen as soon as we entered the store, but the sales lady wanted to show us a few more options. When I told her who the bracelet was for, she was fucking shocked. She said, “Holy shit, that is so generous.” And, LB looked her dead in the eyes said, “No. Generous is showing up to our house everyday to walk our dogs. Generous is making us big elaborate birthday dinners to make us feel special every year. Generous is helping us manage our finances, and it’s checking in on us everyday to make sure we are happy and OK. Trust me lady, we aren’t the generous ones.” In that moment I was more proud of LB than I have ever been of anyone in my entire life. And, I thought to myself, this is the person I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with. That’s generous.

LB’s mother is incredible and she raised her daughter right…that’s for sure. And, honestly, my own mother is probably the most generous person I’ve ever known. So, in a way, our three mothers, they are the ones who are generous. A bracelet from Tiffany’s, a little extra drug money (or food money, whichever), and a ten dollar Hank William’s cassette tape…those things aren’t generous at all. Maybe one day we will truly know what it means to be generous. Until then, I guess we’ll just keep doing what we do best…saying thank you.

“I just don’t think you’re defined by how much money you make. I think you’re defined by how you treat other people.” -LB


5 thoughts on “Generosity is Handing Out Money for Drugs

  1. Every day presents opportunities to make a positive difference in the life of another person…at least that’s what My Dad says. And…My Dad talks to everyone, too!


  2. Hello, I have some very important information for you, if you would, please share it with as many people as you can as soon as possible.

    No Well Water is safe or suitable for animal consumption or plant growth, Fluorine is the 13th most abundant element in the earths crust, and water obtained from the ground will be contaminated with very high levels of Fluorides (fluorine + a positive ion). One small glass of Well Water, on average, contains the Fluoride equivalent of one pea sized dab of Fluoridated Toothpaste, this is about 0.7 parts per million of fluoride, however, any amount of fluoride exposure is incredibly harmful for all biological life.

    We have effectively increased our exposure to Fluorides on average by 50,000% when we choose to expose our selves to this water source, that is in comparison to the majority of our evolutionary history of drinking surface waters that contain which contain roughly 500x less fluoride, although, some wells may even be contaminated with levels as high as 12+ ppm.

    I believe that most people do not understand the science of why fluoride’s are so dangerous, so I’d like to explain why, but first I’d like to point out the fact that we are the only life on this planet to dig deep holes in the ground to obtain water to drink, at least deep enough to contaminate our water with high levels of fluoride in this way.

    The safest alternative is distilled water, or rain water (I suggest a collection time during long periods of rain to avoid polluted air contamination), filters like reverse osmosis do not do enough and they hardly filter the majority of fluorides at all because most naturally occurring fluorides are relatively small compounds, but they may help filter many larger fluoride compounds like those which may be additionally added to water supplies by many city water suppliers. Regardless of which fluorides are getting through, distilled water, or rain, will remove them all, except those leached into water droplets through out atmosphere, rain will be especially vulnerable to this and there are about 50 parts per billion of hydrogen fluoride / other fluoride gasses in our atmosphere, but rain collected should contain less than 0.008 parts per million of fluorides on average.

    So, why are fluorides dangerous…?

    Besides specific bond formations that may occur within the body and disrupt normal biological processes, like that of calcium bonds in our bones rather than our teeth due to excessive fluorides in the blood stream, here is the key issue behind fluorides disastrous effects, which continue be disastrous even after bonds like this occur.

    “Electronegativity”, which is the tendency to draw in electron mass, is a fundamental atomic property of all the elements on the periodic table, out of all these 118 elements of the Periodic Table, the element fluorine has the highest Electronegativity, and, more importantly, one eighth of the entire spectrum of Electronegativy for these Elements on the Periodic Table, is a gap between Element Oxygen, and Element Fluorine.

    Let me just repeat that once again…

    1/8th, of the entire spectrum of Electronegativity, for the elements on the periodic table, is a gap, between elements oxygen and fluorine.

    That kind of Electronegative energy, drawing in electrons in a biological system, (which is a finely tuned system of exchanging electrons), will extremely distort functions of biological systems, especially systems that have not evolved to cope with the levels of Fluoride they are being exposed to.

    We are 70% water like most life on this planet, and only throughout roughly the last 100,000 years or so have we begun digging these holes in the ground to obtain water.

    Evolution does not occur rapidly enough for this fluoride contaminated water to really be called “safe” by now, one quick example of the the slow progression of evolution is that we split from Chimpanzee’s / Bonobo’s nearly 7 million years ago.

    There is roughly 500 times less fluoride in natural sources of water like rain, or springs, even rivers and lakes, than there is in this water from holes in the ground. Drinking and using this water for farming, globally, is destroying our bodies, developing a wide spectrum of health issues for us, our pets, and our plants, I’m sure you’ve noticed we are the only wild animals getting cancer.

    A good example of the powerful Electronegativity that the Element Fluorine has is when experiments are done in it’s pure state as a Gas, in this state, it is so reactive, that almost any substance, Glass, Metals, or even WATER, BURN, with a Bright Flame in a Jet of Fluorine Gas, WITHOUT the need for a Spark.

    This incredibly high Electronegativite Energy still lingers even after Fluorine forms a bond with positive ions, and these are what we call “Fluoride’s”.

    Among the wide spectrum of various health Issues fluoride can cause, Cancer is a big one, but i’d like to focus on another not so obvious symptom of fluoride exposure.

    I think it is crucial to understand this particular issue, i’ll start with the fact that we are 70% water, we need a lot of water each and every day, and our body can detect the amounts of Fluoride, along with the minerals that end up in our water as it is processed for use in the blood stream, and if this amount is higher than the natural levels we have evolved to cope with, our brains have evolved a coping mechanism which attempts to put a damper on precious processes such as higher cognitive functions involved with imagination, functions that are involved with implementing new neurons, or functions that strengthen new neurons and neurons already in use for more reliable access. This damper is done as a way to preserve these functions for more significant moments, which will be judged by your conscious thought and with emotions, rather than just allowing these functions to be used all the time, because doing so would damage neurons your trying to strengthen if there are fluorides present in the blood stream. (this is hard for me to explain so I hope you understand.)

    This damper is the reason why cognitive dissonance occurs in the minds of so many people, many of us who are so heavily poisoned by these fluorides would much rather rely on a set of neurons that are already hardwired and therefore reliable, than to risk developing new ones that may be distorted by the presence of excessive amounts of fluorides.

    Stress, Anxiety, and Depression, are emotions that help you to overcome this damper that the Human Brain Implements, these emotions help your conscious mind in ways that get you “worked up” enough to use these higher cognitive functions, it is like forcing your brain to use these parts it’s trying to preserve (imagination and functions that are involved with implementing new neurons) because your consciously telling it that you think what your doing is extremely important. A good example of this, is if your having a discussion with your boss at work and he is noticeably upset because you didn’t do your job right, you’ll stress your self out over this kind of event in order to strengthen particular neurons for more reliable access so it won’t happen again.

    That sort of behavior can cause someone to act impulsively, i’m sure you’ve seen it many times even with your self, we want to stick to a set of reliable and hardwired neurons, as if we know it all and we don’t need improvement on our methods or awareness of particular things… and many times cognitive dissonance will occur as we try to avoid stress, anxiety, and depression, as we are met with concepts perhaps true, which seem counter intuitive to us.

    To make it short, excessive fluoride in the blood stream can literally makes it stressful to try to imagine and develop new ways of thinking… Your brain is telling you not too do something via these emotions, because of fluorides present in your blood stream, and unless you overcome this stress with your conscious judgement of importance, like realization of truth and excitement for learning this truth, cognitive dissonance will occur.

    Money, and other various ways of cultures, will keep us plugging along sticking to Hardwired Neurons doing something we wish we weren’t doing, or preforming a job which barely pays at all, perhaps worthless and unsustainable as well. There are many various ways our cultures promote these bad ideas, among each other in this adversity, must stand up for the rights of our planet, to live sustainability, to do so we must use our consciousness to it’s utmost potential, that means getting off of fluoride as soon as possible…. that’s the first step I believe. Money is evil in the sense that it is a false incentive and provides many unconscious opportunity’s for the destruction of our planet, it will promote the success of particular neurons, meanwhile demoting others, and we rewarded our selves self chemically when we receive “money” for doing a job right, or when we receive / spend / have money, this strengthens those neurons even further, it’s all about money sometimes, and not the actual thing it’s self.

    Rain (Like Distillation) = Averages 0.008 ppm (parts per million) fluoride.
    Surface Waters (For example, Lakes, Rivers, Springs) = Averages 0.05 ppm fluoride.
    Bottled Water = Averages 0.1 ppm fluoride.
    Well Water = Ranges from 0.7 – 12+ ppm fluoride .
    Tap Water = Ranges from 0.7 – 12+ ppm fluoride (In america, the maximum allowance is 4.0 ppm, regulated by the FDA).

    Additionally fluoridated water supplies often use chemicals we’ve never even come into contact with throughout the last 3.5 billion years of evolution here on earth, for example, chemicals like Sodium fluorosilicate (Na2SiF6)and HydroFluorosilicic acid (H2SiF6). Fluoridation of a public water supply is medication without consent.

    Some Of The Easiest Thing And Most Important Thing You Can And Should Do Immediately to avoid the majority of Fluoride Exposure, Is to drink distilled water, and to avoid tea or tobacco, they both contain very high levels of fluoride.

    Distilled water is very inexpensive, it cost roughly $0.88 for a 1 Gallon jug which is available at nearly every grocery store, otherwise you can order it from a water supplier like “Culigan”, for nearly the same price.

    Please start drinking distilled water, or rain water (collected sometime near the end of a storm, during a long duration of rain preferably, to give time to clean the atmosphere and avoid polluted air contamination) as soon as possible, drink, cook, and process your foods with this water.

    Distilled water and rain water, are the process of evaporating water, collecting and condensing the Vapors, which will leave you with 100% uncontaminated (no dissolved solids) h2o.

    If your worried about not getting enough minerals anymore once you switch to distilled water, let me assure you that if you eat acidic fruits, or add some lime or lemon (Organic) to your distilled water, you will be completeeeely fine… and feeling much better than you were before.

    For water with more alkalinity, you can add coconut water to your distilled water, and there are plenty more options out there for you to try, but a proper food diet is all that is necessary, many fruits will contain all the minerals you need in your diet, Banana, Cantaloupe, Water Melon, etc, fruit is incredibly healthy, especially raw fresh fruit, which happens to contain incredibly low levels of fluoride as well, especially if grown organically.

    Home Water Distilling Units range in Price from 100$ which is sufficient to start drinking, to 1000$ which will be ridiculously efficient, supporting your entire Family and a Home Garden as well, although rain can be very sufficient for a home garden if unpolluted, rain water (<0.008 ppm fluoride)

    If you decide to distill rain, or even reverse osmosis water, you will never have to clean your distillation unit, you will only need to drain the water from the boiling tank occasionally and replace the post filter every 2-5 months.

    Fluorine is in low friction "plastics" such as Teflon which is a molecule comprised of only carbon and fluorine atoms, when Teflon Coated Cookware is Heated, it will release Carbon Fluoride Vapors into the Air or into your Food, do not use Teflon for this reason, and it is well known to cause cancer,

    Aluminum is very dangerous as well, it will increase the toxic build up of Fluorides in the Human Body, avoid aluminum cookware because it aluminum has a low melting point and if scraped, bits of it will end up in your food, small amounts may boil off into water or evaporate like Teflon as well.

    Aluminum is the 3rd most abundant element in the Earth's Crust, and Fluorine is the 13th most abundant element in the Earths Crust: An average of 950 ppm of Fluoride are contained in it. Top Soils contain approximately 330 ppm of Fluorine, ranging from 150 to 400 ppm. Some Soils can have as much as 1000 ppm, and contaminated soils from industrial processes have been found with 3500 ppm.

    Rain water has 0.008 ppm as I've mentioned, and it is what the majority of the water that the Life on this Planet has evolved to cope with, waters are further contaminated when they make contact with the surface of this planet, and the further down those waters go before they are dug up from wells for various human purposes, the more contaminated they are going to be.

    Fluorine that is located in Soils may potentially accumulate in Plants, Especially the Tobacco or Tea plants, i'd like to suggest to you that you avoid exposing your body to these two plants in particular, you can find very credible information on wikipedia about them and their fluoride contamination.

    The amount of uptake of fluoride by Plants depends upon the type of Plant, and the type of Soil, and the amount and type of Fluoride found in the Soil / Water.

    Too much Fluoride, whether taken in from the Soil by Roots, or absorbed from the Atmosphere by the Leaves, retards the growth of Plants and reduces Crop Yields. Growing plants with well water is like pumping the fluoride equivalent of 25 to 100+ tubes of fluoridated tooth paste in with the soil throughout the plants life… that's because well water averages a 0.7 ppm contamination of fluoride… and unfortunately that is what I assume the majority of our foods are grown with at this time.

    With Plants that are Sensitive to Fluoride Exposure, even Low Concentrations of Fluoride can cause Leaf Damage, and a Decline in Growth.

    Although Fluoride was once considered an Essential Nutrient, the U.S. National Research Council has since removed this Designation due to the lack of Studies showing it is essential for Human growth.

    It is important to note that if Fluorides are absorbed too frequently it will cause Calcification of the mammalian Pineal Gland. The Pineal Gland is Biological Filter for Fluoride. It has the most Profuse Blood Flow 2nd only to the Kidneys, with the Highest Concentrations of Fluoride throughout the entire Mammalian Body, ranging from 20,000 ppm to 25,000 ppm.

    Both the Pineal Gland and The Kidneys turn Fluorides from our Diet / Blood Stream (note: Smoking, Vaporizing, Water Vapors in the shower, Air (15-50 ppb) into Calcium Fluorides, which are safer to process out of the body. The Pineal Gland processes built up calcium fluorides to safely exit the body through urine at night, the process involves the molecule n,n-DMT which is produced naturally in the Pineal Gland, many plants contain this molecule, and this molecule is good medicine for decalcification of the Pineal Gland if taken before your sleep as concentrated dried plant matter (nearly boil plant matter containing n,n-DMT, let settle for an hour, scoop off top layer of water and dry it in a glass dish), the urge to urinate will increase and you should wake up to do so accordingly. The molecule n,n-dmt neutralizes the electronegative effects of fluorides in the blood stream by clumping together with fluorides to help them safely exit the body.

    If these two filters cannot handle the fluoride they are being exposed to, then Fluorides may end up in other calcium deposits throughout our bodies, like our Bones, which can cause Skeletal Flurosis, (which may lead to Arthritis or Joint Pains), this may even be the general cause of Arthritis.

    Dental Flurosis (White spots on Teeth) which may lead to Tooth Decay, is an obvious sign of wider systemic damage.

    This information is updated as frequently as I can update it at

    An obvious indication of a significant reduction in fluoride exposure to your body is remembering your dreams from each time you sleep, and vividly.

    (You are experiencing a subjective reality, and there are many others experiencing a subjective reality as well, but we are all the universe it's self, and so we must not activate neural pain networks.)

    Much Love,

    – И


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