Life is Like Apple TV

When I started writing this blog, I don’t know if I really believed I would ever find the sense of security and “mediocrity” I was searching for. But it’s been like three years now, and my life has changed in ways I could never articulate. Even so, I’d like to try. Articulating is pretty much what I do for a living. So, it’s worth a shot.

Here’s the thing, it took me a while to really figure out what matters to me. In retrospect, I didn’t have a clear idea about who I was, what I really cared about…what I actually wanted. It’s like when you’re a teenager and you don’t know who you are yet, so you just adjust to be the kind of person you think you should be. It’s uncomfortable…and really sad.

So now, I’m not saying I have it all figured out, but I kinda do have it figured out. Not like life, really, but the direction it’s going in and when/how I need to alter its course. There’s a fine line between trying to control everything around you and actually setting your own path.

It’s sort of like when we cancelled Comcast and invested in an Apple TV, or when we decided to get married and then set a date. While some things in life progress naturally, other things require a little shove in the right direction. Life is like Apple TV…or a brand new Subaru…or Apple TV inside of a brand new Subaru. It’s nice to have choices.

Sadly, my brand new Subaru doesn’t have Apple TV, or any TV for that matter, but that’s Ok. Lindsey just spent the past twenty minutes riding on some guy’s ass in a brand new mini van…because he does have TV, and we could watch it through his rear window. She has mad skills.

Today, I can appreciate all the little things…like buying my first new car, which I’ve never done before. It feels awesome, so it’s a big thing in that way, but when I put it into perspective, it’s little compared to like…doing what I LOVE for a living, doing it well, and earning a decent income. Or spending my time with the kind of people who help me to be a better person day in and day out.

Once I stopped trying to control everything, there wasn’t anything left to figure out. I love technical writing, but if you would have told me I would love writing technical content about cranes and fall protection, I would have laughed in your face. But I do. Who knew? In fact, I’ve been working my ass off trying to talk Lindsey into letting me buy an aluminum gantry crane for our deck. She’s not convinced that we need an overhead crane. But, as soon as I figure out what we need it for, she’ll be all hands on deck. She’s logical like that.

Speaking of the L-Word, we are on our way to Delaware Beach, in my brand new Subaru Crosstrek, to visit my parents. My parents are seriously amazing. If you have never had dinner at their house before, you are really missing out.

Anyway, I can’t really pinpoint what has changed in me, like where, or why, or how (well, except for that stint in rehab), but what I do know is that life is just so easy now. And, that’s not because nothing bad ever happens. It’s because I don’t let the bad things ruin my life…or even my day.

But, it’s hard to have a bad day when you spend your free time with L Butters. I always try to give credit where credit is due. Thank you Mrs. Karen…no one has ever made me laugh as hard as your daughter does, every single day of my life. Sometimes I wonder if she gets tired of laughing.

Just this morning she was in the bathroom getting ready for work while I was watching Pet Tube on Apple TV. We have to leave at the same time most days, but I was so immersed in those videos that I just couldn’t bear to get dressed. She was rushing to get out the door, and I literally stopped her every five seconds to rewind a video so she could watch. I felt sure that she would love the one where one baby monkey shoves the other into the water and the mom monkey scoops him up and hugs him real tight. How could you not want to watch something that freaking cute over and over? Sometimes she looks at me like I’m fucking insane, but still, she always pops her head out from behind the bathroom door to watch my stupid animal clips or listen to a new song I wrote about our cat.

The cat’s name is Sappho, but I call her Kiwi. Patty calls her Kiki, and Donnie calls her Chloe. We really need to work on helping her find her own identity, and to stop killing things and bringing them home. We’ve been contemplating changing her name to the “Bunny Terminator”, but that seems like too many syllables.

Yeah, we try to keep it simple around here. That’s probably why we have four dogs, a cat, and two mysterious toads that live under the porch light. There must be a huge sign on our front door that says “Stray Animals Welcome”. That’s how I found the place.

In fact, last week I stumbled across a sleeping baby bat in our basement. I don’t know how he got in there, but he sure seemed happy he did. After I found the bat, Lindsey googled “bats and rabies”, and we learned that only nine percent of bats actually have rabies. We figured, the odds were in our favor. After that, I felt pretty confident that it was meant to be, so I fashioned him a tiny bed made from popsicle sticks and craft paper. I hung it from the ceiling, and Donnie helped me to cut holes on each side, in case he ever wants to spread his wings. I didn’t want him to feel all cramped up. That’s no way to welcome a new addition to the family.

Like I said, we try to keep it simple. My best friend now-a-days is my 70-year old neighbor, Patty. Well, she is my best friend, but I’m not hers, technically. That always seems to happen to me…ehem…Paula. Sam. Kris.

But, I get it… it’s hard when you don’t see your closest friends that often. So, I just added Patty to my arsenal. I figure, four half best friends is better than one whole best friend. And, Patty is like crazy awesome. She carries a gun in her bra when she jogs around the graveyard, looks younger than I do, and acts way more mature…well except when we drink too much wine and download adult movies at the kitchen table. But, that was just that one time a while ago.

In all seriousness, that’s a true story. But, also in all seriousness, I am so unbelievably lucky. L.B. is the most supportive, patient, sexy, and incredibly intelligent person I know, and Patty is like a God send. If it weren’t for her OCD, I might never mow the yard. Don’t even get me started on Lori and Vaughn…you haven’t really lived until you’ve had moonshine and pork tacos at their house. And, Donny, well, that guy can fix anything.

So, here’s to keeping it simple, living life to the best of your ability, finding your best friend and life long partner, harboring wild animals (but not the exotic kind, that’s not cool), and downloading adult movies at the kitchen table with your H.B.F.F.. Oh, and to Subaru for designing an all-wheel drive sport wagon that functions like a jeep but with waaaaay better gas mileage.

By the way, I saw a video yesterday where a guy drove his Crosstrek up a flight of stairs. Seriously. You can even take it off-roading and on the beach. I would have taken it up the stairs myself, but it wouldn’t fit through the front door. I really wanted to make my own video with the Crosstrek and post it here.

Oh well, I guess you can’t win em’ all. But, if you’re interested, I do have a pretty cool video of three huge pigs that look like our dog, Riley-Pig, and one small horse that slightly resembles the baby bat in the basement.

I’ll have to post pictures and that video in a few hours…my mobile device isn’t cooperating. And, neither is my Adderall apparently. Sorry about that.


7 thoughts on “Life is Like Apple TV

  1. I love this. Especially the part about the baby bat. and I DO love the monkey video but I would have been late for work if I kept watching.


    • Haha…we’d be in big trouble if we lived together. Forget work. Pet tube all day everyday. I’ll save you some pork BBQ from the dukes’! P.S. Loving that apostrophe at the end of dukes’! That’s my Bean;)


  2. Your writing brings out little intricacies in your life that I find interesting, thanks for sharing all of this. And if that video of monkeys is on youtube, let me know where it is so I can watch it :)



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