I have done plenty of things I am not proud of in my lifetime. And, some of those things are just not comical. Lucky for me—and for you—these things are…sort of. Don’t judge. We all know you have your own list. Unless you are my Sagittarius father, in which case, you are absolutely perfect. Love you, Dad.
You know you are totally lazy when…
1.) You send your mother a picture of your Christmas tree (In January) , and she tells you to finish the half-painted door behind it.
2.) You justify your laziness by describing your style as rugged and distressed.
3.) You don’t carpool with coworkers because you don’t feel like cleaning out your car.
4.) You re-use the K cup that’s already in the machine until you can no longer justify drinking clear coffee.
5.) You have a stack of EZ Pass bills piling up on your table from all of those times you forgot to get money out of the ATM…or just didn’t bother.
6.) You have yet to change your address…two years later.
7.) The last time you went the dry cleaners, they were selling the clothes you dropped off months ago and never picked up.
8.) You go to get a band-aid, only to find the box filled with empty wrappers.
9.) You drive past a dozen gas stations with more than enough money in the bank…and then run out of gas.
10.) You have to explain to your boss at work that you are not wearing jeans in the office…you are wearing dress denim. It’s totally different.
11.) You wore “dress denim” because you didn’t feel like washing your khakis and the dry cleaners sold your suit pants.
12.) You block off potential exits around the fence in your backyard using lawn chairs…to keep the dogs from tunneling out, mostly because you just don’t feel like chasing them around the neighborhood again.
13.) You use paper towels in the bathroom so you don’t have to move your toilet paper stash.
14.) You don’t unpack your suitcase, until the next time you travel.
15.) Your ashtray is a coke can, beer bottle, or the nearest half empty beverage. Anything is fair game.
16.) You run over sticks and dog toys with the lawn mower because it’s way better than actually stopping to pick them up. Hey, the grass is two feet high anyway, so at least you’re mowing.
17.) In the winter, your back deck is littered with dead plants from the summer.
18.) You re-wash the same load of laundry ten times…because you don’t have the energy to throw it in the dryer.
19.) You pay $5.99 for a movie On Demand because driving to a Red box is way too much work, and the thought of returning it later is just ludicrous.
20.) You buy essential items from the gas station for three times the price to avoid the grocery store altogether.
21.) You put oil in your car twice a year because the thought of taking it for an oil change is totally beneath you.
22.) You don’t throw out empty bottles of wine and chalk it up to décor.
23.) You get parking tickets because you are too lazy to pay the meter. And, then the police show up at your front door to escort you to the local court-house. Otherwise, even they know you won’t pay the fines.
24.) You are too lazy to include number 24…
25.) …or 25.