Confessions of Mediocrity (#1)

I have been vague about my feelings; even the details of my life are easily obscured behind a poetic visage. The purpose of a blog is to share something about myself, my life, or some bit of knowledge in reasonable demand by the general public. Although I know why I am sharing personal information online, relinquishing thoughts and experiences is a fairly difficult process. The worst thing a writer can do is publish unclear text that diminishes its own relative purpose. Yet here I am, muddying the water.

In case you are wondering about the purpose of this blog, I originally intended to write about the ultimate triad of mediocrity: wife, kids, and white picket fence. Of course I haven’t acquired any one of these things although I have been fortunate enough to lead an interesting (and often unusual) life. But then again, I could have a thrilling night quietly crocheting by the fire; excitement (good or bad) just doesn’t seem to escape me. So you can imagine that the passing of my thirtieth birthday didn’t warrant any week-long benders or deviant, blustery affairs. My reaction to this milestone was quite the opposite actually, particularly after I conducted a crude inventory of my life and realized that I have lived every dream except the American one.

So perhaps it was looming social expectations combined with the passing of my thirtieth birthday that culminated a sudden ferocity for mediocrity, but either way, I guess I just want my life to mean something before I die. The first time my mom read this blog she asked, “why do you want to become mediocre?” It’s a valid question. But I don’t literally mean I want to be normal or average; that’s not a possibility for me even if I wasn’t satisfied with my outrageous persona. When I titled this thing five years to mediocrity I was eluding to a plan I developed…the type of plan that most adults seem to just fall into thoughtlessly. Mediocrity is the wife, the kids, and the picket fence because it isn’t unusual to have those things. I hope to be somewhere near that equation in the next five years because I want to be responsible for something bigger than just myself. I’ve always wanted the pretty picture the world described to us as children; it just doesn’t seem to come so naturally to me.
With that said, I don’t know that this blog has necessarily served its purpose. I want to write truthfully and without this veil of complexity shrouding the circumstances of my life. But is that really a possibility? If I openly documented the things that happen to me on a regular basis, I would surely piss off a whole lot of people, not to mention revea myself for the weirdo I truly am. It’s easy to hide behind words when you’ve so much to say but so much to fear in saying it all. Instead of accurately portraying my hardships with proud clarity, I have settled on the ghosts of adversity. There’s nothing like unabashed honesty to deliver me from the arduous moments of life. It is, after all, negative thinking that threatens to thwart my progress on the path to mediocrity. I have promised myself that I will become increasingly brazen in blogging about my experiences, but in the meantime I will dull my anxieties by conjuring up the spirit of Sylvia Plath and leave you with these beautiful gems of wisdom:

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.”
Sylvia Plath

“If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I’m neurotic as hell. I’ll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.”
Sylvia Plath

“Is there no way out of my mind?”
Sylvia Plath

“Kiss me and you will see how important I am.”  (My personal favorite)
Sylvia Plath

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”
Sylvia Plath

“Widow. The word consumes itself.”
Sylvia Plath

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4 thoughts on “Confessions of Mediocrity (#1)

  1. Pingback: Capturing The Spirit of MEDIOCRITY! | KANSAS MEDIOCRITY

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