Blink and it’s Gone

Check it out.

See, I am a sappy, free-to-love, free-to-break-up kind of girl…emotional, so stupid when it comes to the heart, and totally predictable (if you’re sleeping with me).

       “You know what you need, a night off. You need a night to just take your mind off of things and relax, have ice cream, listen to good music. You need [me to take you out on] a date.”

So, what is it about the real world that leaves us all, pretty much, suffering?

Am I the “Adam” or am I the “Kristina”… the space between us seems to literally get smaller, every day. Yet, I don’t really care because the further I feel from the “whom” that I am, the closer I seem to the “what” I want to be.

Free. Is what I want to be.

Shouldn’t Word 2010 be  cooler than 2007? One might think, but every time I click on the Microsoft Word (Trial) I expect to see an incredible display of words, themes…notes on a page.

Only…

I don’t.  

Do you want to know what I do see? If not, click the ‘fuck you’ button because, well, fuck you.

Microsoft Word 2010 is like the past three years of my life repeating in my head. It’s the memories that make me sick; it’s the time I have spent cleaning up this mess. It is my other half!

Only…

Fuck that.

I am further from the rest than anyone else.

I am the solver of the problem who won’t invest in herself.

“Braver-man.”

But, I am not.

Not a man, not brave, not either part.

Can’t figure out how to let go of the rest of the life I thought we might have, together.

Gave with such a huge part of myself but

This is not my storybook and clearly I don’t need to relax… don’t need ice-cream, or good music.

“and how is it my responsibility?”

So folks, can you take one guess where I HAVE found myself?

HOME.

No relaxing,

No food and no fucking ice-cream

No night off and no taking my mind off

Of anything                                        

But I don’t really need the calories…

I was always alone but see, now I know,

Alone is enough (for me).

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